How Not to Say I'm Sorry

Dear husband/wife: I'm sorry you found my infidelity disappointing. I never meant to offend you.Dear host/hostess: I'm sorry you're upset that I've smashed your Tiffany vase in a drunken brawl while swinging from your chandelier. Clearly you have misinterpreted my attempt at good cheer as malfeasance when, in fact, I was only imitating something I saw on Animal House.Dear Muslims: I'm sorry your leader was a violent, worthless pea-brain whom others (not me, of course) have rightly criticized for being a violent, worthless pea-brain.#I take pride in my self-appointed role as Catholic Church basher, but sometimes the Church does such a bang-up job of bashing itself one can only sit back and marvel.My favorite reactions to Pope Benedict's idiocy so far are Qatari Muslim scholar, Yusuf al-Qaradawi, call for a "day of anger" and Ayatollah Khamenei's almost whistful insistence that the pope's remarks are the "latest link" in "the chain of a conspiracy to set in train a crusade."The funny thing is only recently I was enjoying a good-natured argument with some close pals about the nature of religion, in which I argued that any good it does is so far outweighed by its evil that we may as well toss the whole poisoned thing out (you know typical friendly chatter). Then a bunch of religious nut-cases go and prove my point.