An Invitation To My Republican Friends
So your party went and nominated Donald Trump. I'm sorry this happened. I really am. But, to be fair, your party has been on the wrong side of history for quite some time now. Segregation, women's rights, civil rights, gay rights, trickle down economics. Wrong position every time. Moreover, ever since Nixon, your party has been nurturing fear and hatred among the have-nots in order to swell its ranks (there not being enough haves to win an election). It's a defective party and it's dying an ugly, but richly deserved death. The good news is you don't have to go down with it. I understand that it can be hard to jump ship when a large piece of your identity is wrapped up in hating liberals. I get it. I really do. Liberals are annoying. I can say this because I am one. I annoy myself sometimes. We annoy each other. It's the price of anti-authoritarianism. We're constantly questioning things, wondering how we can make things better, fairer, more beautiful, and we're not immune to one-upmanship.
What I don't want to do now is be even more annoying by rubbing your face in the dumpster fire your party has made of itself, because A) it's too easy and B) it's not very nice. What I want to do instead is to extend a hand. I want to invite you to our party.
And when I say, party, I mean party. All the good stuff is over here on the Left. Gay rights, gender equality, legalizing marijuana, reproductive freedom. You name it, we've got it. And the best part is there's no guest list. No sour-faced bouncer at the velvet rope. Everyone's invited. No matter your religion, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, country of origin, you want in, you're in. We have the best cocktails, the best music, and a buffet stuffed with delicacies from all over the world.
And what's happening at the other party? Well, maybe you've got a few balloons and some D-list celebrities kicking around. But you also have people burning down black churches, a candidate who brags about sexual assault, voter intimidation, and vows of armed insurrection in the event your candidate doesn't win. Plus, you have a resurgence of white nationalism. White. Effing. Nationalism. I can't believe I'm writing those words. Seriously, guys, the writing's on the wall. Your party is over. It's not even a party anymore. It's a full-blown dystopia.
Come to our side. We're right across the street. We're your neighbors, your friends, your family. And we're extending a hand. When our candidate wins, she's not going to throw your candidate in jail, deport you, keep your relatives from visiting you because of their religion, or punish you for having an abortion. She's going to do what we on the Left have been doing all along: try to make things better, fairer, and more beautiful. Join us.