Fashion Error #74: The Man Blob
It's summer and everyone's showing a bit more flesh. Here in London, women seem to have spontaneously re-invented the sundress into something I can actually get behind--long, flowy, and very brightly-colored, it manages to look tropical without being frumpy or moo-moo-ish.Then there are the men. Sorry fellas, but it's time to put an end to the Man Blob. Take a look at this photo:
Look familiar? Yes, I thought so. You'll notice that every one of these men appears as a shapeless lump of sexless meat. Now I get that some of them are packing a few extra pounds and may feel self-conscious about it, but here's something most women manage to learn at some point in their development and most men seem to be ignorant of: extra volume ADDS TO bulk. It does not SUBTRACT FROM bulk. In other words, you're not fooling anyone with all that fabric.So, Solution Number One to the Man Blob Problem? Wear tighter clothes. I know. I know. You're a guy. You're not supposed to show off your curves. You're supposed to be valued for your intelligence, your sense of humor, heck even your bank account. But here's the thing, fellas. At the end of the day, no one wants to have sex with your intelligence, your sense of humor, or your bank account. It's your body that matters. So show it off a little.Now, Solution Number Two to the Man Blob Problem might surprise you. Show more flesh. Why? Simple. It's a well-known, though little acknowledged, fact that, generally speaking, men don't get cellulite. It's totally unfair, an obvious conspiracy, and the fact that there isn't a government panel or women's organization actively looking into this mad discrepancy is a blot on feminism's good name. But, alas it's true. Most men, regardless of how much middle age has spread them, still have decent legs, good-looking knees and excellent arms. So why are you covering these beauties up? By all means, throw a tent over that beer gut if you must. But give us the knees. They may be your best assets.Here's what I'd suggest. Throw away those long, baggy cargo shorts (do you really need all those pockets? Are you carrying lots of tool?). Toss the XXXXX Large 3/4 sleeve T-shirt. And try something a bit more tailored. How about some nice, fitted chino-type shorts, rolled to just above the knee? And on top, why not a loose-fitting light cotton or linen button down shirt, rolled up over the elbows? Technically, you're still wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. But now your best assets are showing and you look like someone who's not ashamed of the fact that he has a body.You're welcome.