Baby Stuff No One Told Me

Before the bundle came along, I did my research and learned lots of useful baby-related stuff. In retrospect, I learned less from books than I did from a loose confederation of friends and family I refer to as my Council of Wise Parents. Nevertheless, there were some gaps in my education. I'm not sure why these subjects weren't covered. But, members of my Council, I'm holding you accountable for this appalling state of affairs.Examples:1. A neck can totally disappear and still smell very very bad. This enigmatic situation began around week 4. First, Bundle's neck went missing and she started looking less like Yoda (which was adorable) and more like Jabba the Hutt (less adorable). Then I noticed this sour cabbage-like aroma emanating from the region that used to be her neck. I kept changing her, thinking it was spilled formula. But no, it was much worse. Stuff (I'll spare you the full graphic description) had gotten trapped in the folds beneath what was left of her chin. It took some extreme wash cloth acrobatics to clean that out. Council, why wasn't I forewarned about this?2. Sometimes a crib is the best way to wake a baby up. I didn't know that some babies hate sleeping flat on their backs. I had no idea they preferred sleeping in their bouncy chairs where their torsos are inclined and their otherwise flapping little legs are cradled in a semi-fetal position. Sure, in retrospect it all makes perfect sense. But I could have made use of this info back when Bundle was complaining vociferously at night while crib-ignorant Mom and Dad were wondering what all the fuss was about. Any reason this detail was omitted from my education, dear Council?I have a feeling more gaps in my education will be revealed as Bundle attempts to train me using only grunts and tears. Until then, Council of Wise Parents, please, I beg of you, warn me in advance. A baby has a right to an odor-free neck.