Home

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Home. I have a lovely, even enviable, apartment in a decent, mostly quiet neighborhood with a nice farmer's market down the street. But it's not quite Home. It could be. There's nothing wrong with the apartment itself. It's just that I know I'll be leaving some day, so I haven't gotten attached. I have a tendency to move a lot and this means that wherever I am, I never feel quite at Home.I never used to mind this. I felt light, nimble, ready for adventure. Now all I want is a permanent address. A place where I can put up wallpaper.Yes, wallpaper.It's the symbol of all that I crave. You don't put wallpaper up in an apartment you'll be leaving in six months to a year. I'm not sure why. The worst that could happen is the loss of your deposit. But, for some reason, you don't do it. Wallpaper has the aura of permanence. It belongs in a Home, not in a temporary address. You would be shocked to learn how much time I spend dreaming of things like wallpaper and very heavy furniture that I know I'll have forever. Do you know what I have instead? A standing order at Ikea. Whenever I move, I just log on to the website, hit purchase, and have it delivered.How I long for permanence. How I long for Home.When I was young, it never occurred to me to dream about Home. Home was something you took for granted. You dreamed about getting away from Home. You dreamed of seeing the world, of living in far away places. In retrospect, I think what made that dream so alluring was the implicit assumption that at some point you'd land somewhere and that somewhere would be Home.My somewhere is still out there. It could turn out to be very close to the place I'm living now. It could be some place else. My nomadic ways will have to continue for a little while longer. But then, and this is a promise, there will be wallpaper. Not just one pattern either. But several. In different rooms.