Some Saturdays

7:30 AMMe: Andrew is that what I think it... no, it can't be.Andrew: Yup. It's a jackhammer.Me: I think it's a pile driver.Andrew: It can't be. It's 7:30 on a Saturday morning.7:40 AMMe: Excuse me, can you tell me what's going on?Man in hard hat: Con Ed. We're installing a new box.Me: At 7:30 on a Saturday morning?Man in hard hat: Can't interfere with traffic.10:30 AMMe: Wow! Are those tomatoes for real?Woman at Union Square Farmer's market: Heirloom. How many baskets do you want?Me: All of them.11:30 AMMe: This seafood counter is a joke.Andrew: Whole Foods is a joke.Me: Is that fake newsprint?Andrew: No way.Me: Yes it is. They've printed fake newsprint to wrap their fish in so they can pretend they're recycling.Andrew: You're right. They've even made up fake news articles about how Whole Foods is managing fisheries responsibly.Me: Hmm, you think they managed these Vietnamese shrimp responsibly?Andrew: I don't know. You think those pineapples are local?Me: Let's get out of here.12:00 PMMe: Here's my driver's license. As you can see, I am middle aged and therefore legally permitted to buy wine.Trader Joe's employee: I'm sorry, but because your husband touched the wine and he doesn't have any id on him, I can't sell this to you.Me: See the photo on my license? That's me. Did I mention I'm thirty-nine?Trader Joe's employee: I'm sorry there's nothing I can do.Andrew: #$%&@^!Me: Andrew, I'll take care of this. Why don't you wait outside.25-year-old assistant manager: Can I help you with something?Me: Yes, I'd like to buy this wine.25-year-old assistant manager: I'm sorry but we can't sell this to you until your husband presents some ID.Me: He's outside now. Can't I just buy this for myself?25-year-old assistant manager: I'm sorry but until I'm comfortable that you're not buying alcohol for--Me: #$%&@^!26-year-old manager: Is there a problem here?Me: Yes. I'm thirty-nine and I'm buying this wine.26-year-old manager: (pauses to consider the cost of prolonging scene with out-of-control customer and angry Brit pacing menacingly outside). It's okay. You can sell it to her.1:30 PMMe: Oh my god, Andrew, you have to try this tomato.Andrew: [unpronouncable expression of culinary ecastasy]Me: Wine's good too.Andrew: (eyes roll back in his head as he chews and swallows tomato)6:30 PMMe: (breathing heavily after jogging in 95 degree heat) Excuse me officer, what's going on with those boats circling underneath the Brooklyn bridge?Cop: Jumper.Me: Oh god, did he.. or she...Cop: It's alright. We talked him down.Andrew: (breathing heavily after jogging in 95 degree heat) Ayup. Good run?Me: Yeah. You?Andrew: Alright. What's going on over there?Me: Jumper.Andrew: Oh no.Me: It's okay. They talked him down.