"The Perfect Man" on Salon.com
My short story, “ThePerfect Man†is up and ready for your reading pleasure at Salon.com. If you’re not a paid subscriber, just click on the free day pass. All you have to do is watch a brief ad. It’s worth it. Salon.com is a great site.“The Perfect Man†is an apocalyptic dating story inspired by the myriad tragic-comic anedcotes I’ve heard from my single pals in their search for love online. So I thought I’d celebrate its publication with a companion interview from the annals of real life.Jane Wiener, 39, spent eight months using various online dating services, logging in approximately sixty dates. She met Gerry Mathews through Match.com. They are now engaged and are preparing for a Vegas wedding. Both of them agreed to answer some questions for me.Did using an internet dating service effect the way you approached your dates? I.e., were you more or less open-minded? Did you have higher or lower expectations?Jane: When I went out on a date and there was a particular characteristic I disliked (I.E. strong religious beliefs) I would tweak my profile to block out those potential suitors. I approached it like a sales job. It’s all a numbers game and I was increasing my odds of finding my lucky number.Gerry: I suppose I was more open minded in that I wasn't sure what or who I was looking for. I just knew I didn't want to date a psychopath--a boil the rabbit in the pot kind of woman. As for expectations they were neither high or low since I wasn't meeting good candidates through friends, so I was excited about the opportunities. Let's say I was hopeful.Were you happy with the way people responded to your profile? Did you think they understood you sufficiently based on your profile?Jane: Generally I think I was well accepted and approached graciously due to my profile. And of course I'm extremely happy with the way people responded-because I got the best people (and ultimately the best person) for me!Gerry: You get all kinds of responses that you never thought you would get. Just on appearances there were people that responded that surprised me because they were so not my type, but here they were writing. Over all I was pleased. But I would say bio and info is always being tweaked. If something does not come across alter it.Did you find most of the people you met online to be truthful? If not, what kinds of things did they lie about?Jane: Short guys lied about their height and guys added zero's onto their finances (a category that never interested me). Women-I think they all posted the weight they wanted to be, or once were.Gerry: I would say people not so much lied but gave altered impressions of their appearances, i.e. using an old picture.Jane, what was different about Gerry?My method for using the internet was kind of unusual. My strategy was to find someone who could be my best friend and whom I could picture naked. Gerry's profile immediately had those 2 qualities. In real life time, I had just had skin cancer removed from my arm and I had what I thought was a glaring scar. I had gone out on dates during the process (biopsy, arm in sling and stitches out). Gerry knew about the surgery from our phone conversations and during our first date he gently touched what I considered to be my new hideous fault (and fearful reminder of what life throws at you). Something about the way his fingertips grazed my skin, I knew he had a kind soul.Gerry, what was different about Jane?She was funny, sarcastic. She loved pop culture. There was no bullshit or ulterior motive, no real baggage. I kept meeting women with issues or who would give me that ‘come here’ gesture and as soon as I would I’d get ‘Stop. Pick a lane.’ Jane was and is great. She shoots straight and knows what she wants. I appreciated that.Do you recommend internet dating as a whole?Jane: Of course I do. I had tons of fun doing it before I met Gerry, but it was the means to an end for me. Without it, I wouldn't have met my perfect match.What advice would you give people who are using internet dating? Jane: Trust your gut, if someone sounds too good to be true, they probably are. Be 100% honest and open, take a risk. When you see the persons' photo, can you picture him naked without laughing or cringing in fear? That is a good sign. And last but not least, it's a numbers game, internet dating will increase your odds of finding the perfect guy or gal for you.