Apples & Oranges

Inevitably, my return to New York City after a year in London compels me to compare the two cities relentlessly. I should resist the urge. I know how annoying I was when I first moved to London. I could not BELIEVE how slow, cheap, bureaucratic, alcoholic, and class-obsessed Brits were. And don't even get me started on how hard it is to buy anything over the phone in that city. You need proof of address to order a pizza.New York is familiar. It's my home. It's the city that made me into the person I am. I should be above petty comparisons with its transatlantic neighbor. Alas, I am above very little these days. I present, therefore, the definitive, authoritative cross-cultural skinny on London Vs. New York:NOISE: Alright, I get that New York has the population density of a bee-hive. I get that there are too many cars vying for space on too few roads. But for the love of God does everyone have to make such a racket all the time? Do you have to honk your horn at every intersection? And do you really have that much to say all the time, at that volume? Jheesh.EASE OF USE: I lived in London for one year and I could not get a credit card or my own cell phone account. Why? I could not present proof of address. I lacked proof of address because I had no bank account with which to pay utility bills. I couldn't open a bank account because I had no proof of address. I arrive in New York on Monday night. By Tuesday morning I have a cell phone with a functioning number. End of story.HOUSING: Picture, if you will, a lovely, quiet, 1100 square foot loft apartment in a gated mews with modern, sleek, minimalist fixtures. That's London. Now take that lovely apartment, shrink it to one third its size, tilt it on an angle, and raise it to the fifth floor accessible by stairs only. That's New York.FASHION: I know my NYC peeps won't want to hear this, but compared to the average gal and dude stalking the streets of East London, you look downright stodgy. London is a more fashion forward place. However, I'm giving New York a bonus half-point for not adopting skinny leg jeans, a fashion trend so unwise and yet so pervasive in London that on some days, the whole city looks like a sea of eggs on toothpicks.FOOD: New York is cheaper by a wide margin and there are more good restaurants per square block in this city than in London. But London has the best produce, meat, and fish I have ever seen. When you live with a gourmet chef, this counts for a lot.SOCIAL LIFE: New York beats London in one critical area--ease of gathering. In New York it's a piece of cake to collect all of your friends for a cocktail, a pastrami sandwich, or a ramble through Soho. By contrast, London is spread out and there is no mutually agreed upon "downtown." London, however, has New York beat in another critical area--variety of social life. Whereas New York social life is dominated by the young and especially by single people on the prowl, Londoners are mostly married by thirty and social life reflects that. I wouldn't have traded my twenties in New York for anything. But I'm glad I'll be approaching forty in London. Also London has pubs, which are a million times better than bars.POLITICS: No contest here. While Americans continue to bicker like children over "values" issues which have no place in politics, England has evolved to a stage of democracy that is downright boring. I'll take boring, thank you.AMBITION: If you are born middle class in England, you damned well better stay that way or you will risk alienating everyone you have ever known. By contrast, in America everyone seems to believe they're going to be millionaires next week. Deluded? Yes. But gosh darn it, you've got to admire the optimism. As an ambitious person married to an ambitious person, I can feel a little stifled in a country that looks down its nose on grasping climbers like us.STRANGERS: Yesterday, I was walking around the village and I saw 1) a man break out in a jazz dance in the middle of the street 2) a homeboy in a car serenading some strangers at a sidewalk cafe with an improvised rap. I've never seen that in London. On the flipside, Londoners look you in the eye. New Yorkers almost never do.So there you have it. If you're wondering which city to make your home, the answer is simple: both. That way you can ramble through Soho with your NYC Pals on Thursday, hop on a plane and meet your London pals for Friday fish and chips at the Island Queen pub. Plus, if you learn to embrace jet-lag rather than resist it, you can approach the whole lifestyle in a zombie-like daze. That's my strategy.