5 Steps to Being a Better Intelligent Designer

Sure, you oppose the teaching of Evolution in the classroom. But are you willing to take your support of Intelligent Design to the next level? Are you willing to go from talking about Intelligent Design to living it? If so, here are some immediate steps you should take:1. STOP WEEDING YOUR GARDENAccording to “evolutionary theory” weeds choke off flowers and vegetables by consuming nearby nutrients. By pulling the weeds, the charlatans of "science" insist, you create a more nourishing environment for your chosen plants. Do not be fooled. If God wanted your petunias to flourish, He would arrange it.2. STOP TAKING MEDICINEFrom chemotherapy to antibiotics, modern medicine is derived from the fabric of lies that is "evolutionary biology." According to “researchers,” for example, when a strain of HIV is attacked by an anti-viral, those viral cells that happen to have a built in immunity are the only ones that survive to “replicate.” Hence the virus “mutates” into a drug-resistant strain. This, researchers claim, is all part of the mechanics of "evolution by natural selection." Hogwash. Illness, as we all know, is a symptom of evil.3. STOP HAVING SEXDid you know that simply by finding one person more attractive than another, you are participating in “sex selection?” According to the Darwinians, such hedonistic expressions of personal preference can lead to changes in the overall human population. Let's see. In my version of Genesis, God says to Adam and Eve, "be fruitful and multiply," not "be fruitful and multiply but only with blondes." Hmmm.4. STOP EATING FOODDid you know that all of the food you're innocently shoveling down your pie hole is the product of “artificial selection?” That’s right. For centuries, scientifically inclined humans have been using natural selection’s bastard stepchild to crossbreed wheat, corn, peas, cows, chickens, you name it. Right. Let's just have a look at what the One True God has to say on this subject. Yep, it's just as I thought. Right here in Genesis, it says, "have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air." It does not say "redesign the fish of the sea and the birds of the air."5. KILL YOUR DOGThis unholy creature is, much like the cow-derived hamburger referenced above, the product of crossbreeding. God did not create the toy poodle. Humans did. For sick, twisted purposes only the deranged could know, and using the dark alchemy they trot out as "science," humans crossbred generation after generation of demon wolves to distract us from their nefarious plans.So you see, evolution is everywhere. But here’s your chance to fight back and score one for God's own theory—Intelligent Design. Good luck, and enjoy your new life as a weedy, sick, sexless, starving, pet killer.